So, it has been a good maybe 2-3 years since the last time I was actually active on this site. I had over 20,000 messages in replies, journals and watches to sort through, but now i'm thinking of posting updated artwork up. Nothing new per say, just redraws of old pieces of work.
I'm still massively into my art but Deviant Art isn't my cup of tea anymore, I joined 9 years ago when I was 12 years old. If you aren't good at maths, that makes me 21 nowadays. (It's okay, i'm still terrible at maths myself).
A lot has changed in 9 years. When I joined I was struggling terribly with myself and my sexuality, I was suffering through the worst years of my life, was suicidal, self harmed and didn't want to live.
Nowadays I'm comfortable within myself and who I am, I still have my off days where I pick up a blade but that's rarer than a blue moon so to speak.
Life is just so different now. I'm still a student but I chose to keep studying. I'm actually studying media at University.
Growing up I was never close to my mum, we never got along and was always clashing. The house was like a prison due to this and the hatred between myself and my older brother.
Now my mum is my best friend and we've not had a real argument in years. My brother hasn't lived at home since I was 16 and I can't remember the last time I saw him. We text on rare occasions and tend to tolerate one another rather than fight now. I don't miss him at all though. But it is nice to know we've both mellowed out to the point where we can actually spend time around each other and get along to some degree.
I'm still not very good around people or crowds which I don't know if I ever will be but whatever, I'm happy being an introvert.
Overall i'm the happiest i've ever been. I no longer live at home and I miss it terribly but it's all part of the growing process isn't it?
I still have my days where I feel like i'm alone and that there's no hope but I no longer feel suicidal, I don't want to die, I'd like for things to be easier or easier to understand at least but life is always going to have a learning curve. There's not much that can change that fact.
Anyway, I just want to say, if you're struggling or having a bad time, you have to take it upon yourself to fight your way out of the mess. Don't back own or shy away because you can't run from your troubles. They always know where you're heading and they know all the shortcuts. Get help and communicate with people. It's terrifying and its hard but what waits on the other end of the darkness is a world that makes all the pain worth it.
Never give up, you all deserve to be happy.